SmartOnes Artisan Creations Pepperoni Pizza

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SmartOnes Artisan Creations Pepperoni Pizza

Looks: The pizza on the box holds much more pepperoni, herbs, and cheese. That’s 0-for-3 on the main components of the dish; it gets one point for having a crust, and one point for being the right size: 2 out of 5

Taste: Given the average taste of the regular SmartOnes Pepperoni pizza, I expected the same from this pizza. And given the fact that I wrote the previous sentence, you can assume that is not what happened. This pizza reminded me of the pizza rectangles they used to serve at my grade school, but not as good. (I had no idea my school was serving “artisan creation”-grade pizza.) The sauce is gummy and close to ketchup; the cheese and crust are tasteless. Blech. 1 out of 5

Ore Ida Bagel Bites (Cheese)

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Ore Ida Bagel Bites

Looks: Besides the cheese not melting evenly (you can still tell that it was sprinkled on in mini-cube form), their size and mass are advertised appropriately. 4.5 out of 5

Taste: First off, what is Ore Ida doing making both pizza bagels? Isn’t potatoes their game? Secondly, when eating Bagel Bites, I always have the same dilemma: do I try and bite the mini-bagel in half, getting sauce and cheese all over my lips when I invariably can’t bite cleanly through the bagel, or do I stuff the whole thing in my mouth like some kind of bagel-crazed giant? The answer is b, the bagel-crazed giant one.

I think Bagel Bites are great. They’re chewy, cheesy, and a box of them is exactly the right size for one person to eat as a meal. They are even customizable! If you like them crispy, cook them in the oven; if you like them soft and bendy, cook them in the microwave. If you like them really crunchy, just eat them straight out of the freezer. 4 out of 5

Bertolli Chicken Florentine & Farfalle

SUPER SPECIAL HAIKU FRIDAY!

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Bertolli Chicken Florentine & Farfalle

Looks:

Chicken not so browned
But All else looks terrific
4 points out of 5

Taste:

Man I love this stuff
I could eat it all winter
Full 5 out of 5

Have you tried this meal? Leave your own haiku describing it in the comments below.