Archive for the ‘Gravy’ Category

Hormel Compleats Roast Beef with Gravy

Sunday, October 25th, 2009

Hormel Compleats Roast Beef & Gravy - Ad

Hormel Compleats Roast Beef & Gravy

Looks: Nothing about the way this looks makes me want to eat it. The gravy is translucent (not thick like on the cover), yet there’s so much of it that you can’t see through it to the potatoes below. The potatoes appear to be a single solid mass, rather than fluffy mounds, and the roast beef slab lurks near the surface like the carcass of a dead Loch Ness monster. None of these things are depicted on the box. 1.5 out of 5

Taste: Craptacular. Even with all that gravy, the beef is so dry that I needed to continually drink bottles of water while I chewed it to avoid dehydration. The potatoes are nasty (closer to modeling clay than vegetable), and the gravy wouldn’t stick to them. I managed three bites of this “Compleat” meal before throwing it away – I didn’t feel comfortable feeding it to my dog. I suppose I should have known it would be terrible; it’s roast beef that you store in your pantry… That’s just not right. 0 out of 5

Lean Cuisine Swedish Meatballs

Thursday, October 22nd, 2009

Lean Cuisine Swedish Meatballs - Ad

Lean Cuisine Swedish Meatballs

Looks: Besides the meatballs, nothing on the box matches what’s in the package. The noodles are much thicker (and much softer) than pictured; the sauce is Snicker-bar brown, not Twinkie yellow, and the ratio of noodles to balls is way too low. 2 out of 5

Taste: The noodles were soggy and the gravy was bland. The meatballs were just ok, although I did appreciate getting six of them. (I’m looking at you, Banquet!) 2 out of 5

Marie Callender’s Chicken Pot Pie

Sunday, October 11th, 2009

Clerkerist sends in this week’s reader submission and does a pretty good job of emulating the photo on the box:

This one is pretty much on target. The pie is browned and flaky. The only deviance from the package cooking directions was a little cooking spray in the pan before microwaving. Otherwise you pretty much have to serve the pie upside-down. Very tasty with crisp peas and carrots, all-white-meat chicken, and rib-sticking gravy. 5 out of 5

Wait a minute… “crisp peas and carrots, all-white-meat chicken, and rib-sticking gravy”? Clerkerist, are you an undercover Marie Callender’s rep sent here to counter the effects of my post on your disgusting cheesy chicken and rice? For shame, Marie Callender, for shame.

Healthy Choice Beef Tips Portabello

Wednesday, October 7th, 2009

Healthy Choice Beef Tips Portabello - Ad

Healthy Choice Beef Tips Portabello

Looks: The beef looks much dryer (drier?) than pictured, and the mushrooms in the sauce are practically non-existent. The vegetables looks like shrunken versions of themselves, but the potatoes and caramel apple dessert aren’t too far off. I’m feeling generous today, so I’ll give it… 3 out of 5

Taste: The beef turned out to be just as dry as it looked – stringy and tasteless. The potatoes were gummy, and the broccoli was watery. (The carrots were surprisingly ok, with just a little hardness left in them.) The gold-medal winner of this meal was the caramel apple dessert – quite possibly the best tv-dinner-corner-pocket dessert I’ve ever had. It almost redeemed the stringy beef and bland potatoes. 2 out of 5