Food In Real Life

Marie Callender’s Cheesy Chicken & Rice

Looks: Like someone had already chewed it and spit it back into the bowl. Where are the nice big strips of chicken? Where are the fresh broccoli florets? Where is the creamy cheese sauce? Nowhere to be found. The biggest piece of chicken was perhaps a third the size of the pieces pictured on the box, and even before cooking, the cheese sauce was mixed into the rice. I almost didn’t eat it because of how it looked. 1 out of 5

Taste: Even worse than it looks. I was able to stomach four bites before I threw the rest out; because of the way that the cheese sauce gums up the rice and traps the chicken and vegetables in a web of disgusting cheeserice, the entire dish tastes and feels the same – like crap. 0 out of 5

Jeno’s Pizza

Because I am not a machine, here is another reader submission, this time from Razor512:

“For $1.69 I picked up a box of Jeno’s pizza (total waste of money). This pizza if probably one of the blandest pizzas I have ever tasted. The crust is very thin, it looks thick due to it mostly being hollow on the inside. There is very little cheese and the sauce has very little taste and there is very little sauce (it the sauce it pretty much a part of the crust it is like the factory spilled sauce on the pizza and then tried to clean it all off leaving behind only the stain of sauce that used to be there). Overall for taste, I give it a 1 out of 5 and for look, I give it a 1 out of 5 also.”

Thanks, Razor512. (I especially enjoyed the phrase “stain of sauce.”)

If you’d like to submit your own Food IRL, head on over to the Reader Submission Form. Include a photo, and optionally (but ideally), a description of how the food tasted.

McDonald’s French Fries

Looks: Exactly like the ad. (As you can tell, this does not make for interesting reading.) 5 out of 5

Taste: Like mealy sticks of depression. If you don’t eat McDonald’s fries within 30 seconds of them exiting the fryer, you will quickly begin asking yourself “Why are they so hard? Why don’t they have a taste? Why did I even buy them? Why can’t I stop eating them?” They did earn 1 point for the salt I was able to lick from the bottom of the carton. 1 out of 5

Domino’s Three Cheese Mac-n-Cheese Pasta Bowl

Reader Jacob sends in this picture and commentary of Domino’s Three Cheese Mac-N-Cheese Pasta Bowl:

Looks: The pasta looks generally the same in both cases, as does the “bowl”‘s crustiness, but the problem here (and it’s a doozy) is that the product in question is not nearly as tall in real life as it is in the ads. It’s really more of a pizza with pasta on top. 2.5 out of 5

Taste: I’m not gonna lie: this thing is delicious. But, when you’re eating, you’re faced with a conundrum: Do you eat the pasta and the bowl together, or do you eat the pasta and then eat the bowl, which on its own is pretty dry? Either way, I don’t know how anyone, no matter how hungry, could eat a whole Bread Bowl Pasta on their own. 4 out of 5

Uh, yeah, no one would ever eat a whole Bread Bowl Pasta in one sitting. Especially not me. Especially not while watching The Biggest Loser… alone. And crying. No sirree.

(If you’d like to submit your own Food IRL, head on over to the Reader Submission Form. Include a photo, and optionally (but ideally), a description of how the food tasted.)