Archive for the ‘Fast Food’ Category

McDonald’s French Fries

Monday, September 21st, 2009

McDonald's Fries - Ad

McDonald's Fries

Looks: Exactly like the ad. (As you can tell, this does not make for interesting reading.) 5 out of 5

Taste: Like mealy sticks of depression. If you don’t eat McDonald’s fries within 30 seconds of them exiting the fryer, you will quickly begin asking yourself “Why are they so hard? Why don’t they have a taste? Why did I even buy them? Why can’t I stop eating them?” They did earn 1 point for the salt I was able to lick from the bottom of the carton. 1 out of 5

Domino’s Three Cheese Mac-n-Cheese Pasta Bowl

Sunday, September 20th, 2009

Reader Jacob sends in this picture and commentary of Domino’s Three Cheese Mac-N-Cheese Pasta Bowl:

fakebreadbowl

realbreadbowl

Looks: The pasta looks generally the same in both cases, as does the “bowl”‘s crustiness, but the problem here (and it’s a doozy) is that the product in question is not nearly as tall in real life as it is in the ads. It’s really more of a pizza with pasta on top. 2.5 out of 5

Taste: I’m not gonna lie: this thing is delicious. But, when you’re eating, you’re faced with a conundrum: Do you eat the pasta and the bowl together, or do you eat the pasta and then eat the bowl, which on its own is pretty dry? Either way, I don’t know how anyone, no matter how hungry, could eat a whole Bread Bowl Pasta on their own. 4 out of 5

Uh, yeah, no one would ever eat a whole Bread Bowl Pasta in one sitting. Especially not me. Especially not while watching The Biggest Loser… alone. And crying. No sirree.

(If you’d like to submit your own Food IRL, head on over to the Reader Submission Form. Include a photo, and optionally (but ideally), a description of how the food tasted.)

McDonald’s Big Mac

Saturday, September 19th, 2009

McDonald's Big Mac - Ad

McDonald's Big Mac

Looks: Since there’s a handy song available for sizing up a Big Mac, let’s use it as a grading checklist:

  • “Two all beef patties,” – just barely. Remember that little old lady that asked “Where’s the beef?” She was looking at this picture I took.
  • “special sauce,” – not in either picture, so no big deal.
  • “lettuce,” – F for effort
  • “cheese,” – looks exactly the same as the picture!
  • “pickles, onions” – MIA
  • “on a sesame seed bun.” – lopsided and squashed, although the bottom bun in the picture looks like a sponge, so I guess lopsided and squashed is better than “tastes like a sponge.”

Looks like Big Mac will be repeating the 2nd grade. 2 out of 5

Taste: The sandwich’s main flavors come from the special sauce and cheese; the “beef” patties are just roadblocks for your teeth so they don’t crash into each other in the middle of the burger. Nevertheless, it’s non-offensive and generally enjoyable. 3 out of 5

Additionally, reader Jb sends in this snapshot of a recent Big Mac Attack:

McDonald's Big Mac - Bare

“Gary was a Big Mac fan.. until this day! This was literally how the box opened up.”

That is just terrible. What is Gary doing drinking white wine with a Big Mac? Everybody knows you need a full-bodied red to sufficiently complement the special sauce.

McDonald’s Sausage Egg McMuffin

Monday, September 14th, 2009

McDonald's Sausage Egg McMuffin - Ad McDonald's Sausage Egg McMuffin

Looks: Well, the ingredients are in the right order, but none of them appear as advertised. The muffin is kind of wimpy, the egg misshapen, the sausage smaller than it should be, and the cheese is more of a greasy oil square that won’t melt. 2 out of 5

Taste: You remember that episode of The Simpsons where Homer drank a candle in order to coat his mouth with wax so he could eat the insanely hot peppers? Yeah, it’s kind of like that. The sandwich tastes ok – mostly like sausage and English muffin, but it leaves a coating of grease in your mouth for about three hours. So if you need tongue protection for some dangerous eating stunt, by all means, start with a Sausage Egg McMuffin. 1 out of 5