Hot Pockets Mini Cheeseburger SideShots

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Hot Pockets Mini Cheeseburger SideShots

Looks: The bread is four times as thick as it is on the box, and the filling looks more like chunky diarrhea than cheesy hamburger. The colors and sizes are all accurate though, so it’s not a total loss. 2.5 out of 5

Taste: Remember how I said that the filling looks like chunky diarrhea? Care to venture a guess as to how it tastes? Wrong. It tastes like ground hamburger mixed with boiling lava hot cheese inside of a bun. Nothing too special – I wouldn’t buy it again, but at least it didn’t taste as sick as it looks. 2 out of 5

While we’re on the subject of Hot Pockets, here are two of my favorite Hot Pocket-related comedy bits.

Lunchables Ham and American Cheese Sub Sandwich

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Lunchables Ham and American Cheese Sub Sandwich

Looks: I bet you can’t even tell which picture is the box and which is the real thing. 5 out of 5

Taste: The succulence of the ham was matched only by the deep, earthy je ne sais quoi of the Kraft American cheddar. The mayonnaise lent a savory (yet somehow fat-free) lightness to the sandwich that, together with the humble heartland flavor of the whole-grain bun, made this truly a sandwich not to be missed.

Just kidding – it was ok. Four inches of average bread combined with four inches of average ham combined with four inches of average cheese topped with four inches of average mayo wins this sandwich an average score. 2.5 out of 5

Jack in the Box Mini Sirloin Burgers

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jack in the Box Mini Sirloin Burgers

jack in the Box Mini Sirloin Burger

Reader Rose Marshall provided this review of tiny little burgers from some place called “Jack in the Box,” which, being from Minnesota, I have never heard of.

Looks: Basically looked “mini” and sirlion-y…but in the thrown together way that all fast food looks. The burgers were thick and not too dry. The biggest discrepancy was the buns, they would have looked like the photo, except they were burnt….like BLACK burnt. I guess my Mom taught me to eat burnt food, so I didn’t really mind. 3.5 out of 5

Taste: Tasted pretty good, actually tasted like real food. Which, in some messed up way disappointed me, because I expect a fast food burger to be a super-greasy delicious sin. But, it was not as sinful as some, meat was thick and meaty. I would eat it again. The cooked onions were a nice touch, different that the standard toppings. 4 out of 5

I don’t know about you, but that last picture is the most appetizing thing I’ve seen all week.

Kashi Sicilian Veggie Pizza

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Kashi Sicilian Veggie Pizza

Today’s review comes from reader Megan W. of Lawrence, Kansas:

Looks: The actual pizza appeared to have more, and larger, pieces of vegetables than are shown on the box. The crust didn’t brown much at all. The sauce is as startlingly orange as it appears on the box. The vegetables had actual grill marks exactly as shown. When I first unwrapped the pizza some of the vegetables had migrated to one side so I arranged them to be more even across the pizza.4 out of 5

Taste: This was a delicious pizza. The crust very good: just salty enough with a nice mix of crisp and chewy. The sauce, although orange, was tasty and had noticeable tomato flavor. The vegetables were plentiful, not too soft, and actually tasted grilled (apparently the grill-marks weren’t just for appearances). Although the pizza was flavorful, it was a bit under-seasoned. It could have benefited from some Italian herbs and/or pepper. 4.5 out of 5

My only comment is that it appears that Kashi forgot to add the cheese. Even more embarrassingly, they forgot to add the cheese to the pizza they photographed for the box. Crazy!