Healthy Choice Balsamic Garlic Chicken Cafe Steamer

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Healthy Choice Balsamic Garlic Chicken Cafe Steamer

I stumbled upon an interesting discovery while eating this Healthy Choice Balsamic Garlic Chicken Cafe Steamer: all Healthy Choice meals are actually just different arrangements of the same chicken, noodles, and sauce. Take a look at some: #1, #2, #3, and #4. Healthy Choice has just packaged the same meal in many different boxes and then filled in the blanks in the name of the meal. In that spirit, here is my review of the Healthy Choice Balsamic Garlic Chicken Cafe Steamer; you can fill in the blanks yourself, or you can play along with a friend!

The Healthy Choice Balsamic Garlic Chicken Cafe Steamer tastes ___(adjective)___. There are definite hints of ___(noun)___ in each bite, and the ___(property)___ of the chicken is ___(adjective)___. I didn’t expect this meal to be so ___(adjective)___, but it surprised me and made me say to my wife, “Honey, this meal is so ___(adjective)___.” The vegetables were ___(adjective)___, but the pasta was predictably ___(adjective)___. Based on the picture on the box, it should have had more ___(noun)___, but the ___(noun)___ was close enough.

Fill out this Mad Lib in the comments, and the best one will win a special surprise. I’m not going to tell you what it is, but it definitely is not not a box of Strawberry Pop-tarts.

13 Comments

  1. Jules says:

    The Healthy Choice Balsamic Garlic Chicken Cafe Steamer tastes LIKE SHIT. There are definite hints of CORN in each bite, and the consistency of the chicken is LIKE PEANUT BUTTER. I didn’t expect this meal to be so STANK YO, but it surprised me and made me say to my wife, “Honey, this meal is so CRAPTACULAR!” The vegetables were NOT FULLY DIGESTED, but the pasta was predictably MUSHY. Based on the picture on the box, it should have had thicker DIARRHEA GLAZE, but the POOP-like LIQUID FROM EATING TOO MUCH MEXICAN was close enough.

  2. Alex says:

    The Healthy Choice Balsamic Garlic Chicken Cafe Steamer tastes SILLY. There are definite hints of A PEN in each bite, and the COLORFULNESS of the chicken is CRUNCHY. I didn’t expect this meal to be so DUMB, but it surprised me and made me say to my wife, “Honey, this meal is so AWESOME.” The vegetables were PURPLE, but the pasta was predictably FUZZY. Based on the picture on the box, it should have had more CUTTLEFISH, but the KITTY was close enough.

  3. i don't want to win I just want to play. says:

    The Healthy Choice Balsamic Garlic Chicken Cafe Steamer tastes furious. There are definite hints of lolcats in each bite, and the chickenness of the chicken is chickeney. I didn’t expect this meal to be so honest, but it surprised me and made me say to my wife, “Honey, this meal is so frank.” The vegetables were rude, but the pasta was predictably sarcastic. Based on the picture on the box, it should have had more electrolytes, but the glitter was close enough.

  4. michelle says:

    The Healthy Choice Balsamic Garlic Chicken Cafe Steamer tastes LIKE TURDS. There are definite hints of TOILET PAPER in each bite, and the TEXTURE of the chicken is FLUFFY. I didn’t expect this meal to be so SPOILED but it surprised me and made me say to my wife, “Honey, this meal is so FUNKY.” The vegetables were STINKY, but the pasta was predictably GROSS. Based on the picture on the box, it should have had more CHUNKS but the VOMIT was close enough.

  5. Heather says:

    The Healthy Choice Balsamic Garlic Chicken Cafe Steamer tastes JELLIED. There are definite hints of JELLY in each bite, and the GEL of the chicken is WOBBLY. I didn’t expect this meal to be so WIGGLY, but it surprised me and made me say to my wife, “Honey, this meal is so WAGGLEEEEEEEEEEEE!!!!” The vegetables were SQUIGGLY, but the pasta was predictably GIGGLY!!!! Based on the picture on the box, it should have had more MOOGLEES, but the POOGLIES was close enough.

  6. Alex S says:

    The Healthy Choice Balsamic Garlic Chicken Cafe Steamer tastes like failure. There are definite hints of flavor in each bite, and the gizzard of the chicken is missing. I didn’t expect this meal to be so malicious, but it surprised me and made me say to my wife, “Honey, this meal is so trying to kill me.” The vegetables were lazy, but the pasta was predictably murderous. Based on the picture on the box, it should have had more cowbell, but the complete lack of effort was close enough.

  7. Shauna says:

    The Healthy Choice Balsamic Garlic Chicken Cafe Steamer tastes gamey. There are definite hints of reheated plastic in each bite, and the inedibility of the chicken is flabberghasting. I didn’t expect this meal to be so stomach-churning, but it surprised me and made me say to my wife, “Honey, this meal is so revolting.” The vegetables were hospital-meal grade, but the pasta was predictably vomit-inducing. Based on the picture on the box, it should have had more salmonella, but the contact botulism was close enough.

  8. clip says:

    is it too late to submit?

  9. clip says:

    The Healthy Choice Balsamic Garlic Chicken Cafe Steamer tastes like “what!?!?!?”. There are definite hints of “Ugghs!” in each bite, and the **clicks tongue** of the chicken is… mmeh…. I didn’t expect this meal to be so OOOOOH!!!, but it surprised me and made me say to my wife, “Honey, this meal is so aiaiaiaiaiaiaieeeee!.” The vegetables were eeew…., but the pasta was predictably iiiiiuuue. Based on the picture on the box, it should have had more mmmmm, but the **smacks lips*** was close enough.

  10. Jamie Susan says:

    The Healthy Choice Balsamic Garlic Chicken Cafe Steamer tastes nuclear. There are definite hints of Chernobyl in each bite, and the retchedness of the chicken is loathsome. I didn’t expect this meal to be so vomitous, but it surprised me and made me say to my wife, “Honey, this meal is so life-endingly bad.” The vegetables were nightmarish, but the pasta was predictably foul. Based on the picture on the box, it should have had more warnings, but the diarrhea that followed was close enough.

  11. The Healthy Choice Balsamic Garlic Chicken Cafe Steamer tastes CALCULATED. There are definite hints of INTEGRALS in each bite, and the ROOT-MEAN SQUARE of the chicken is ACCURATE. I didn’t expect this meal to be so PRECISE, but it surprised me and made me say to my wife, “Honey, this meal is so ACCURATELY SIMULATED.” The vegetables were OCTAL, but the pasta was predictably HEXADECIMAL. Based on the picture on the box, it should have had more LENGTH IN ITS MANTISSA, but the DELTA was close enough.

  12. Neal says:

    The Healthy Choice Balsamic Garlic Chicken Cafe Steamer tastes edible. There are definite hints of food in each bite, and the flavoring of the chicken is palatable. I didn’t expect this meal to be so artificial, but it surprised me and made me say to my wife, “Honey, this meal is so chewy.” The vegetables were chewy, but the pasta was predictably chewy. Based on the picture on the box, it should have had more zest, but the artificial coloring was close enough.

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