Food In Real Life

Culver’s ButterBurger with Cheese

(Double ButterBurger)

(Single ButterBurger)

Looks: I could only find an official picture of the double Butterburger, but even accounting for that difference, the real deal doesn’t quite stack up. The bun isn’t as fluffy, the toppings (under the patty) aren’t as evenly placed, and the meat doesn’t extend beyond the edge of the bread. 3.5 out of 5

Taste: Who cares how it looks? The Culver’s ButterBurger is the single best fast-food hamburger in America. I’ve had McDonald’s, Burger King, Hardee’s, Carl’s Jr., Wendy’s, A&W, In-N-Out, Lion’s Tap, and many others, and none of them top Culver’s. The bread has just the right amount of chewiness, and the cheese melts into the burger, almost infusing its flavor into the beef. Putting the lettuce/tomato/etc. beneath the patty and sealing them in with the cheese prevents them from sliding out while you eat, and each bite of the beef patty makes you see a little bit of heaven. I’m not afraid to say that when the burger was gone, I cried a little bit. 5 out of 5

Barber Foods Stuffed Chicken Breasts

Looks: Even before cooking, all of the portions were split open on top, exposing the not-quite-the-right-red marinara filling. The chicken doesn’t have the same meaty mass as the box pictures, but the crust and chicken are the correct color, so it’s got that going for it (which is nice). Oh, and the plate pictured on the box would have to be at most four inches in diameter. 3 out of 5

Taste: Confusing. My tastebuds were like “Mmmm, I like these tastes,” but my mouth was like “Uhhhh, I’m not so sure about these textures.” The crust was flavorful and a little crunchy, and the sauce made up for the chicken’s dryness, but none of the textures meshed together. It was more like I was eating some breading and also some chicken and also some sauce that just happened to be sitting next to each other. 3 out of 5

Uncle Ben’s Ready Rice (Original)

Looks: The color is slightly yellower than expected, and the volume of rice is lower than advertised. (That, or the bowl on the pouch is really a shot glass.) 4 out of 5

Taste: Tastes like rice, and the microwave cooking method doesn’t affect the texture at all. 5 out of 5

Antioch Farms Chicken Kiev

Looks: While the color and texture are almost identical, the chicken kiev pictured on the box is about 50% longer than the ones found inside. (There is no way that the sliced and unsliced portions on the box belong to the same kiev.) The butter sauce is portrayed accurately, even though my picture doesn’t really show it. (It’s boiling-lava hot, so slicing the chicken without splashing butter magma everywhere was a challenge.) 4 out of 5

Taste: Pretty good. The very ends of the chicken were a bit dry, as they didn’t benefit from the butter bath that the other slices received, but the breading was crisp and the rest of the chicken moist and flavorful. 4.5 out of 5