Frozen – Page 19 – Food In Real Life

Banquet Fish Stick Meal

Looks: Do you see, on the box, where it says “Enlarged to show quality”? It should really say “Enlarged because there’s hardly any food in this box,” because the “quality” they were showing doesn’t exist in real life. The breading on the fish sticks was slipping off, the macaroni noodles are not the proper scale, and the pudding is dark and lumpy, not smooth and creamy. 3 out of 5

Taste: Disappointing. The fish sticks were chewy, which I didn’t know was possible, because it’s minced fish meat – how can that be chewy? The macaroni was watery and tasteless, and there was so little pudding that I couldn’t find a spoon small enough to fit into the little bowl. (I’m obviously kidding about that; I just couldn’t think of any words to describe the pudding’s taste.) I would never buy this meal again. 1 out of 5

Marie Callender’s Cheesy Chicken & Rice

Looks: Like someone had already chewed it and spit it back into the bowl. Where are the nice big strips of chicken? Where are the fresh broccoli florets? Where is the creamy cheese sauce? Nowhere to be found. The biggest piece of chicken was perhaps a third the size of the pieces pictured on the box, and even before cooking, the cheese sauce was mixed into the rice. I almost didn’t eat it because of how it looked. 1 out of 5

Taste: Even worse than it looks. I was able to stomach four bites before I threw the rest out; because of the way that the cheese sauce gums up the rice and traps the chicken and vegetables in a web of disgusting cheeserice, the entire dish tastes and feels the same – like crap. 0 out of 5

Jeno’s Pizza

Because I am not a machine, here is another reader submission, this time from Razor512:

“For $1.69 I picked up a box of Jeno’s pizza (total waste of money). This pizza if probably one of the blandest pizzas I have ever tasted. The crust is very thin, it looks thick due to it mostly being hollow on the inside. There is very little cheese and the sauce has very little taste and there is very little sauce (it the sauce it pretty much a part of the crust it is like the factory spilled sauce on the pizza and then tried to clean it all off leaving behind only the stain of sauce that used to be there). Overall for taste, I give it a 1 out of 5 and for look, I give it a 1 out of 5 also.”

Thanks, Razor512. (I especially enjoyed the phrase “stain of sauce.”)

If you’d like to submit your own Food IRL, head on over to the Reader Submission Form. Include a photo, and optionally (but ideally), a description of how the food tasted.

McCain Potato Smiles

Looks: Not much to say here; they look exactly like they do on the package. (Depending on your preferred skin tone, just adjust the baking time to get your color of choice.) 5 out of 5

Taste: They don’t have much of a taste, although the entertainment factor of eating faces makes them more enjoyable to eat than your average tator tot. However, even slathered with ketchup, these smileys are extremely dry. After eating only a few, they had sapped all of the saliva out of my mouth, and after I finished a plateful, I had to be put on an IV in order to rehydrate. 2 out of 5