Archive for the ‘Dry’ Category

Oscar Mayer Fully Cooked Bacon

Thursday, December 3rd, 2009

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Oscar Meyer Fully Cooked Bacon

Looks: It’s boring to write about foods that look just like their packaging. I bet it’s boring to read about too, isn’t it? 5 out of 5

Taste: Eaten alone, it’s obvious that this bacon was not freshly cooked on a sizzling griddle: it’s kind of rubbery and pretty salty. But if you overcook it a little in order to crumble it over baked potatoes, a thick chowder, or a late-evening Pop-Tart, you won’t be able to tell the difference between this and “real” bacon. 3.5 out of 5

Minute Ready to Serve Chicken Flavor Rice Mix

Thursday, November 26th, 2009

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Minute Ready to Serve Chicken Flavor Rice

Looks: Rice has exactly two properties: size and color. This rice fails miserably at color – dark brown instead of golden yellow. 2.5 out of 5

Taste: Gross. Gummy, with a strange taste that doesn’t bring chicken to mind. I managed a bite and a half before giving the rest to my dog Pedro, who normally doesn’t complain about my leftovers, but even he was like “Why would you feed me this?” (Well, he really said “Bark bark bark,” but I knew what he meant.) 0 out of 5

Special K Italian Tomato & Herb Crackers

Monday, November 23rd, 2009

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Special K Italian Herb & Tomato Crackers

Looks: Except for having fewer flecks of what I presume is tomato and less texture, they’re identical to the crackers on the box. (I’m holding the one cracker up to show that the larger cracker on the box is just closer to the camera; the package doesn’t contain a large “lord of the crackers” cracker or anything.) 4.5 out of 5

Taste: It tastes like a generic cracker, with a little bit of tomato-y aftertaste. Nothing special at all, and the crackers I tried weren’t even very crisp, which I thought was the whole point of crackers. Since they weren’t offensive-tasting, they don’t score too low, but they were so forgettable that I would never have reason to buy them again. 2.5 out of 5

Multigrain Wheat Thins

Thursday, November 19th, 2009

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Multigrain Wheat Thins

Looks: Somewhat oranger than depicted, and not quite as textured. 4 out of 5

Taste: Like a really salty Wheat Thin. I couldn’t eat more than a few at once due to the overwhelming amount of salt on them – almost inedible. 1.5 out of 5