Preaching truth to packaging. Pictures of packaged food, cooked to specifications, compared to the photo on the box.
Looks: Besides the meatballs, nothing on the box matches what’s in the package. The noodles are much thicker (and much softer) than pictured; the sauce is Snicker-bar brown, not Twinkie yellow, and the ratio of noodles to balls is way too low. 2 out of 5
Taste: The noodles were soggy and the gravy was bland. The meatballs were just ok, although I did appreciate getting six of them. (I’m looking at you, Banquet!) 2 out of 5
Looks: As you can see, the egg roll filling lacks the vibrant greens and pinks depicted on the box but instead displays all the liveliness of day-old baby food. Neither do the egg roll crusts match their advertised color; they didn’t hardly darken at all from freezer to oven. 2.5 out of 5
Taste: I would be hard-pressed to tell the difference in a blind taste test between these egg rolls and egg rolls from any nearby Chinese restaurant. (Whether this indicates that these are quality egg rolls or that I have never eaten truly delicious Chinese takeout is unknown.) The outside is crispy and the inside is meaty and flavorful, but the rolls do drip quite a bit of oil as you eat them. (Side note: I have also tried the chicken version of these rolls. They don’t suffer from the excess oil problem; rather, they are exceedingly dry. Stick with the Pork or Pork/Shrimp versions if you decide to buy them.) 4 out of 5
Looks: Surprisingly accurate for a dish containing chicken, vegetables, and sauce. A few small differences though cause this meal to miss a perfect 5-out-of-5 score: The sauce (pictured as being poured over the dish) is obviously mixed in, the greens are a little wilted, and the green onions are MIA (or just very small). 4.5 out of 5
Taste: After seeing how close it looked to the box, I expected it to taste as good as it looked too, but I ended up disappointed. The chicken has a strange texture and taste that I wouldn’t have independently classified as chicken; it’s more like a meatball made of poultry. The vegetables don’t have much of a taste either, and they’re a bit too soft to have their texture make up for tastelessness. The sauce-and-rice mixture I had left towards the end of the dish did turn out to be quite tasty – if this meal had been “Sweet & Spicy Orange Zest Rice”, it would have scored higher. 3 out of 5
Looks: If Totino’s hadn’t felt the need to show off the bursting guts of the flying pizza rolls, this product would have gotten 5 out of 5. However, there’s no way that the amount of filling inside will overflow the crust like they depict on the box, unless you peeled away half of the roll rather than cutting it. Besides that though, the size and color are perfect. 4 out of 5
Taste: Except for being a little bit oily, these Pizza Rolls taste great. They have a rich flavor, and the bits of meat are actual tangible, unlike some other “meat” flavored products I’ve tried. Make sure you let them cool off for about five minutes before eating them, or your burnt mouth won’t be able to taste their delicious flavor. (Side note: I can’t look at the real-life picture without picturing the open pizza rolls singing a little pizza roll song.) 4 out of 5