Looks: Since there’s a handy song available for sizing up a Big Mac, let’s use it as a grading checklist:
- “Two all beef patties,” – just barely. Remember that little old lady that asked “Where’s the beef?” She was looking at this picture I took.
- “special sauce,” – not in either picture, so no big deal.
- “lettuce,” – F for effort
- “cheese,” – looks exactly the same as the picture!
- “pickles, onions” – MIA
- “on a sesame seed bun.” – lopsided and squashed, although the bottom bun in the picture looks like a sponge, so I guess lopsided and squashed is better than “tastes like a sponge.”
Looks like Big Mac will be repeating the 2nd grade. 2 out of 5
Taste: The sandwich’s main flavors come from the special sauce and cheese; the “beef” patties are just roadblocks for your teeth so they don’t crash into each other in the middle of the burger. Nevertheless, it’s non-offensive and generally enjoyable. 3 out of 5
Additionally, reader Jb sends in this snapshot of a recent Big Mac Attack:
“Gary was a Big Mac fan.. until this day! This was literally how the box opened up.”
That is just terrible. What is Gary doing drinking white wine with a Big Mac? Everybody knows you need a full-bodied red to sufficiently complement the special sauce.