Archive for the ‘Beef’ Category

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Hot Pockets Mini Cheeseburger SideShots

Friday, April 30th, 2010

Hot Pockets Mini Cheeseburger SideShots - Ad

Hot Pockets Mini Cheeseburger SideShots

Looks: The bread is four times as thick as it is on the box, and the filling looks more like chunky diarrhea than cheesy hamburger. The colors and sizes are all accurate though, so it’s not a total loss. 2.5 out of 5

Taste: Remember how I said that the filling looks like chunky diarrhea? Care to venture a guess as to how it tastes? Wrong. It tastes like ground hamburger mixed with boiling lava hot cheese inside of a bun. Nothing too special – I wouldn’t buy it again, but at least it didn’t taste as sick as it looks. 2 out of 5

While we’re on the subject of Hot Pockets, here are two of my favorite Hot Pocket-related comedy bits.

Posted in Beef, Bread, Cheese, Frozen, Hot Pockets, Microwave | 3 Comments »

Healthy Choice Five-Spice Beef & Vegetables Cafe Steamer

Friday, February 5th, 2010

Healthy Choice Five-Spice Beef & Vegetables Cafe Steamer - Ad

Healthy Choice Five-Spice Beef & Vegetables Cafe Steamer

Looks: Everything’s on the up-and-up, except for the usual problem that the directions instruct you to stir the meal, but the meal on the box is obviously not stirred. Come on! 4.5 out of 5

Taste: When I saw “five-spice” on the box, I expected something spicy. (Five-spicy, to be exact.) But the sauce had no spice, only sweetness – it tasted and smelled like gingerbread cookies. Also, the beef was dry, as most microwave beef is, and the rest of the ingredients had no taste except for the overwhelming sauce. (Note: the ingredients list does not list “beef”; it lists “cooked beef and binder product.” Take that for what you will.) 2.5 out of 5

Posted in Beef, Carrots, Frozen, Healthy Choice, Microwave, Peppers, Rice, Water Chestnuts | 11 Comments »

McDonald’s Big Mac Snack Wrap

Wednesday, January 20th, 2010

McDonald's Big Mac Snack Wrap - Ad

McDonald's Big Mac Snack Wrap

Looks: The wrap in the ad is beefy, the tortilla filled to the point of bursting. The wrap in real life looks like a scared little hamburger turtle, just barely poking its head out of its shell. No lettuce or onions to speak of – just beef and cheese.

If you were to open up the wrap, you’d see this work of art:

McDonald's Big Mac Snack Wrap - Unwrapped

I’m getting hungry just looking at this picture, aren’t you? Not even half a beef patty, and even fewer toppings than are visible poking out of the end of the wrap in the ad. 2 out of 5

Taste: It tastes… very much like a Big Mac. Well, until the third bite, when you’ve used up all the special sauce and cheese, and you’re left with three more bites of dry beef and tortilla. I would have given the first bite a four, but the last bite was more like a 1 – I guess I’ll have to go with the average. 2.5 out of 5

Posted in Beef, Big Mac, Cheese, Fast Food, Lettuce, McDonald's, Pickles, White Onions | 16 Comments »

Marie Callender’s Old World Rigatoni Bolognese

Sunday, November 29th, 2009

Marie Callender's Old World Rigatoni Bolognese - Ad

Marie Callender's Old World Rigatoni Bolognese

Looks: The noodles are right, but the sauce is all wrong. Instead of being a thick and hearty tomato sauce with chunks of beef, it consists of some dried-up pieces of meat and a scant amount of liquid. It really makes the difference in how edible the dish looks, wouldn’t you agree? 2 out of 5

Taste: The taste mirrors the looks: the noodles are ok, but the sauce is just meh. The different parts of the sauce never seemed to coalesce, but rather just separated into tomato and beef and liquid. Not only did the sauce not form one mixture, but the different parts of the sauce didn’t stick to the pasta, further separating the dish into “noodles and tomato and beef and liquid” instead of Rigatoni Bolognese. 2 out of 5

Posted in Beef, Cheese, Frozen, Microwave, Pasta, Rigatoni, Tomato Sauce | 3 Comments »

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