Food In Real Life

DiGiorno 200 Calorie Portions

Looks: They didn't add enough cheese for it to melt all the way to the edges, the tomato sauce more closely resembles a thin sheet of red paint, and the green peppers by far outnumber the chicken bits. (It's called "Chicken with Peppers", not "Peppers with Chicken.") 3.5 out of 5

Taste: The crust is chewy right out of the microwave, but it becomes crackery if you let it cool. The chicken, cheese, and sauce were all passable (on the high end for microwave pizza), but I definitely would have appreciated more of them. (Although then I suppose they'd have trouble calling it a "200 calorie portion."

One word of warning: don't take the "recommended cooking instructions" at face value. There are two 200-calorie portions in each box, and for the first one, I cooked it exactly how long the box recommended I cook it based on my microwave's wattage (2 minutes). For the second portion, I left it in the microwave for only 1:20. Can you guess which is which?

So if you cook it under close supervision and stop the microwave when the cheese melts, you'll be ok. 3.5 out of 5

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Tony's Crispy Crust Cheese Pizza

Looks: Like most frozen pizzas, this pizza isn't cheesed adequately enough to ever have melty cheese string from piece to piece. Apart from that, the shape and color are appropriately depicted on the box. 4 out of 5

Taste: I present to you two facts:

1. This pizza is "Tony's Crispy Crust Pizza."
2. I've never eaten a less crispy pizza in my life.

It was very bready, and very chewy. If I ignore the fact that it was supposed to be crispy, it wasn't too bad for a $1 grocery store pizza, but I have to score it low though due to the missing advertised crispiness. 2 out of 5

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Red Baron 4-Cheese Pizza

Looks: I still can't get these pizzas to brown properly, even after following different advice I've gotten from readers: "Move it under the broiler"; "don't preheat the oven"; "use a blow-torch." None of it works. 4 out of 5

Taste: There is a definite quality scale of frozen pizzas: it starts with your Lunchables mini pizzas (ketchup and bread), then you have your Jack's/Jeno's/Totino's, then up on the high end, you have your Digiorno's and Freschettas - the "pizzeria-style" pizzas (if you believe their commercials). I would place this Red Baron above Digiorno, but below Freschetta. The cheese is thick, the sauce is zesty, and the crust is nice and chewy, but not as nice as Freschetta's. This pizza has a good collection of herbs mixed in the cheese as well, and I think that is what really sets it apart from the Jack's and Jeno's. 4 out of 5

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