Food In Real Life

Jimmy Dean Scrambled Eggs with Bacon and Cheese

Looks: Small differences: the eggs are not so cheesy in real life, and the apples lack any sort of sauce or extra moisture. If you squint, the two pictures look pretty much the same. 4 out of 5

Taste: Good, and good for you!

Just kidding. The eggs were dry and uncheesy; the potatoes were rubbery and tasteless. The sad little apple pieces were actually the best part of this meal, but that's not saying much at all. Nothing tasted terrible, and if I was in a hurry and really needed to get my cholesterol levels up, this would be an ok choice. Other than that exact situation, I can't see ever eating this again. 1.5 out of 5

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Red Baron Biscuit-Style Scrambles (Bacon)

Looks: While the food on the box appears as a golden, flaky, biscuit covered in fluffy eggs and melted cheese, the real deal is closer to a molten Pac-Man dead-set on devouring you and anyone you care about. The crust singes around the edges, the cheese doesn't melt evenly, and the bacon cooks much darker than pictured. 3.5 out of 5

Taste: Regardless of how it looks, this thing is delicious - it's like deep-dish pizza had a baby with an Egg McMuffin, and they named it Scrambles. The cheese and bacon are great (of course), and although the egg doesn't really make you think "hey, this tastes like eggs," it doesn't detract from the flavor. There's also a creamy sauce underneath the toppings, and it is most likely made from magic pixie deliciousness dust. My only complaint is that the outer edge of the biscuit gets too hard during cooking. 4.5 out of 5

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McDonald's Sausage Egg McMuffin

Looks: Well, the ingredients are in the right order, but none of them appear as advertised. The muffin is kind of wimpy, the egg misshapen, the sausage smaller than it should be, and the cheese is more of a greasy oil square that won't melt. 2 out of 5

Taste: You remember that episode of The Simpsons where Homer drank a candle in order to coat his mouth with wax so he could eat the insanely hot peppers? Yeah, it's kind of like that. The sandwich tastes ok - mostly like sausage and English muffin, but it leaves a coating of grease in your mouth for about three hours. So if you need tongue protection for some dangerous eating stunt, by all means, start with a Sausage Egg McMuffin. 1 out of 5

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