Looks: The colors are pretty much spot-on, but there are not nearly enough cranberries in the cranberry stuffing. The ratio of turk’y to stuffing is as advertised. 4 out of 5

Taste: I was pleasantly surprised by how much the stuffing actually tasted like real stuffing. I mean, that sort of thing can’t be easy to fake. I expected it to be really dry, but it wasn’t. It also had the right texture and an appropriate amount of spices. I bet you could give it to someone who eats stuffing every day, and they wouldn’t know the difference. Oh, and the turk’y tasted more like chik’n, which was fine with me. 5 out of 5

Looks: Nearly identical to the one on the box, minus the flying. A little bit darker, probably a little drier. 4.5 out of 5

Taste: How do I say this nicely… This TLC (“Tasty Little Cereal”) bar is, how you say, NVG (“Not Very Good”). It’s really dry, and the apple spice filling doesn’t have much flavor. It’s not a complete loss, as it’s still gives you something mildly flavored to chew on, but the “T” in “TLC” is a definite misnomer. 1.5 out of 5

Looks: I’ve always been wary of Velveeta macaroni products, if only for the reason that after you add the cheese sauce (but before you stir it in), it looks like Chester Cheetah has taken a dump on your lunch. But I do have to say that after stirring the cheese “sauce” in and waiting the recommended two minutes, the macaroni inside does look very similar to the shells on the package. Maybe a little waterier, but very close. 4.5 out of 5

Taste: About eight years ago, I tried Kraft Easy Mac for the first time, and I hated it. Ever since then, I’ve completely avoided microwave macaroni and cheese cups. There must have been great scientific advances in the field of microwave macaroni since then, because this Velveeta Shells cup is actually very good. There’s not very much of it (only 220 calories worth), but it tastes as good as if you made it on the stovetop. 4.5 out of 5

Looks: Besides the cheese not melting evenly (you can still tell that it was sprinkled on in mini-cube form), their size and mass are advertised appropriately. 4.5 out of 5

Taste: First off, what is Ore Ida doing making both pizza bagels? Isn’t potatoes their game? Secondly, when eating Bagel Bites, I always have the same dilemma: do I try and bite the mini-bagel in half, getting sauce and cheese all over my lips when I invariably can’t bite cleanly through the bagel, or do I stuff the whole thing in my mouth like some kind of bagel-crazed giant? The answer is b, the bagel-crazed giant one.

I think Bagel Bites are great. They’re chewy, cheesy, and a box of them is exactly the right size for one person to eat as a meal. They are even customizable! If you like them crispy, cook them in the oven; if you like them soft and bendy, cook them in the microwave. If you like them really crunchy, just eat them straight out of the freezer. 4 out of 5

Looks: The noodles and broth are much yellower than pictured, and all of the vegetable pieces sank to the bottom when I stirred it. Also, no chopsticks! Do they think I just keep chopsticks around my house? I had to settle for using Q-Tips. 4 out of 5

Taste: It doesn’t really have one. The broth is non-offensive, and vaguely reminds one of chicken soup, and the noodles are filling, but tasteless. If you’re looking for a quick warm bowl of something to chew on, this is it, but if you want something tasty, look elsewhere. 2 out of 5

Looks: Definitely closer to the box than other DiGiorno pizzas. While I can never get them to brown as evenly as the box shows, the cheese did brown to a similar color. Also, I couldn’t get the cheese to congeal the way it’s shown on the box, but it might have been due to cutting the pizza while it was too hot (although any pizza place would cut the pizza straight out of the oven). The amount of cheese was properly represented though, so no big whoop. 4 out of 5

Taste: The idea of the “Ultimate Pizzeria Style” is that it’s supposed to taste more like pizza from a genuine pizza joint than DiGiorno’s usual chain-pizza delivery style, and I was pleasantly surprised that it didn’t taste like a pizza that came out of my freezer. The cheese was thick, the sauce had a little bite to it, and the crust (which really made the difference) was chewy, but not so chewy that it was more like bread than pizza crust. The one point I’d take away from it is that the fontina cheese (one of the four varieties used) left a bitter aftertaste to the occasional bite, but overall, it was very good for frozen. 4.5 out of 5

Looks: Exactly like the ad. (As you can tell, this does not make for interesting reading.) 5 out of 5

Taste: Like mealy sticks of depression. If you don’t eat McDonald’s fries within 30 seconds of them exiting the fryer, you will quickly begin asking yourself “Why are they so hard? Why don’t they have a taste? Why did I even buy them? Why can’t I stop eating them?” They did earn 1 point for the salt I was able to lick from the bottom of the carton. 1 out of 5

Looks: Not much to say here; they look exactly like they do on the package. (Depending on your preferred skin tone, just adjust the baking time to get your color of choice.) 5 out of 5

Taste: They don’t have much of a taste, although the entertainment factor of eating faces makes them more enjoyable to eat than your average tator tot. However, even slathered with ketchup, these smileys are extremely dry. After eating only a few, they had sapped all of the saliva out of my mouth, and after I finished a plateful, I had to be put on an IV in order to rehydrate. 2 out of 5