Ah, lunchtime. Those thirty magical minutes when you can forget about the troubles of your job, the upcoming credit card bills, and your soul-crushing loneliness. All food brings comfort, but there’s nothing in the world that will lift your spirit like a bowl full of vegetables. Yes sirree, with their fresh taste unlocked by the magic of steam, this meal of “Grilled (but actually steamed) Mediterranean (but also found in America) Vegetables” is just what you need to turn that frown upside-down. (Note: Upside-down frown may not be experienced by all customers.)

The best part of this meal is the obvious lack of meat. You won’t have to waste time on tender marinated chicken or juicy slow-cooked beef just to get to the delicious vegetable side dishes, like in most meals. When you open this box, you’ll feel like you died and went to heaven… vegetable heaven, that is! The broccoli tastes like broccoli. The eggplant tastes like eggplant. And the snozzberries — don’t get me started on the snozzberries!

Who cares if you’ve been taking cold showers for a week because you’re late on the gas bill? So what if your wife left you and took your dog with her? You’ve still managed to keep the lights on, and that’s worth a reward. So set your microwave for two and a half minutes, and let your cares drift away – you’ve got some eating to do.

Looks: 5 out of 5 Taste: 3 out of 5

Today’s review comes from reader Megan W. of Lawrence, Kansas:

Looks: The actual pizza appeared to have more, and larger, pieces of vegetables than are shown on the box. The crust didn’t brown much at all. The sauce is as startlingly orange as it appears on the box. The vegetables had actual grill marks exactly as shown. When I first unwrapped the pizza some of the vegetables had migrated to one side so I arranged them to be more even across the pizza.4 out of 5

Taste: This was a delicious pizza. The crust very good: just salty enough with a nice mix of crisp and chewy. The sauce, although orange, was tasty and had noticeable tomato flavor. The vegetables were plentiful, not too soft, and actually tasted grilled (apparently the grill-marks weren’t just for appearances). Although the pizza was flavorful, it was a bit under-seasoned. It could have benefited from some Italian herbs and/or pepper. 4.5 out of 5

My only comment is that it appears that Kashi forgot to add the cheese. Even more embarrassingly, they forgot to add the cheese to the pizza they photographed for the box. Crazy!

Looks: “This is a tiny, tiny single serving pizza at 15 cm. (6 in.). There are perforations in the crust to allow for easy division of the pieces. It comes out of the toaster oven looking much sweatier (due to the grease) than the pizza on the package. The green pepper pieces are mere small shreds and there are no visible bits of red pepper. Perhaps the manufacturer was worried about lactose intolerance in Asian consumers and decided to use less cheese than the picture on the package would imply. The image looks like it has been shot through the kind of soft focus lens that is used to make wrinkles harder to see on aging actresses. The real pizza looks rather stark in comparison.” 3 out of 5

Taste: “The crust is really just very soft bread with a little sweetness to it. It’s common in Japan for sugar to be a bigger component in regular bread-based products and you can sense it in this pizza. The sausage is greasy and has the faintest whisper of pork taste, but really doesn’t taste like much of anything. Mainly, you taste the bread and the corn and get an oily mouth. The cheese is a minor textural element. It reminds me of the lame pizza bread I used to have in the elementary school cafeteria, only with more oil. Because of nostalgia, I’ll give it a 2 out of 5.”

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Looks: They didn’t add enough cheese for it to melt all the way to the edges, the tomato sauce more closely resembles a thin sheet of red paint, and the green peppers by far outnumber the chicken bits. (It’s called “Chicken with Peppers”, not “Peppers with Chicken.”) 3.5 out of 5

Taste: The crust is chewy right out of the microwave, but it becomes crackery if you let it cool. The chicken, cheese, and sauce were all passable (on the high end for microwave pizza), but I definitely would have appreciated more of them. (Although then I suppose they’d have trouble calling it a “200 calorie portion.”

One word of warning: don’t take the “recommended cooking instructions” at face value. There are two 200-calorie portions in each box, and for the first one, I cooked it exactly how long the box recommended I cook it based on my microwave’s wattage (2 minutes). For the second portion, I left it in the microwave for only 1:20. Can you guess which is which?

So if you cook it under close supervision and stop the microwave when the cheese melts, you’ll be ok. 3.5 out of 5

Looks: Everything’s on the up-and-up, except for the usual problem that the directions instruct you to stir the meal, but the meal on the box is obviously not stirred. Come on! 4.5 out of 5

Taste: When I saw “five-spice” on the box, I expected something spicy. (Five-spicy, to be exact.) But the sauce had no spice, only sweetness – it tasted and smelled like gingerbread cookies. Also, the beef was dry, as most microwave beef is, and the rest of the ingredients had no taste except for the overwhelming sauce. (Note: the ingredients list does not list “beef”; it lists “cooked beef and binder product.” Take that for what you will.) 2.5 out of 5

Looks: The chicken pieces aren’t as large or as plentiful as pictured, and the sauce is much more prominent. The vegetables and overall portion size are close enough. 4 out of 5

Taste: I liked this one a lot – the rice was cooked just so, and the chicken was juicy. The vegetables were just the right amount of crunchy, but he sauce was maybe a little too sweet. (Although, in all my years, I’ve never tasted the “sour” of “sweet and sour” chicken. Is there something wrong with me?) 4.5 out of 5

Looks: The chicken is soggy, not crispy, and there aren’t any sesame seeds on it. Additionally (or subtractionally), there aren’t as many vegetables in the noodles as the box pictures. Everything else is pretty close, except that I couldn’t find the chopsticks in the box and had to go buy my own. 3.5 out of 5

Taste: The main detriment to this meal is the soggy chicken breading. It would be close to perfect if not for that, although I don’t think I’ve ever had crispy chicken come out of a microwave. The noodles are substantial, but they don’t have much of a flavor, and I would have liked to see (and taste) more vegetables. (The plum sauce beneath the chicken and noodles was surprisingly good though.) 3.5 out of 5

Looks: While it’s not as bad as the TGIFriday’s Quesadillas, it’s still pretty far from what the box pictures. (Although, with this product, you can actually tell that it’s the same food.) The bread is much thicker and doesn’t brown the same, the filling is not as extensive, and the cheese is nowhere to be seen, at least not without unfolding the melt. 2.5 out of 5

Taste: Very good flatbread for being frozen and microwaved. It was soft, chewy, and not soggy or cold at all. The filling, although not as bulbous as the filling on the packaging, was very good as well. It would have been nice to have as much steak and vegetables as the box promised, and the discrepancy might be a deal breaker for some people. 4 out of 5

Looks: It feels kind of like the toppings migrated towards the center of the pizza. I used to work at Domino’s so I know of this tendency, since it’s easier to just sprinkle the food over the middle than to work the whole pie, but come on Pizza Hut employee, take a little pride in your work. 3.5 out of 5

Taste: Come on, we’ve all tasted a Pizza Hut Supreme pizza before, right? I don’t have to describe it here, do I? It is Friday after all… I put up quality posts here, every day, at 6 am. Is it too much to ask for a day off once in a while? Here’s your stinkin’ review: bready, chewy, tasty, greasy, too many peppers. 3 out of 5