Are you tired of making a pizza but having to throw most of it away since you can only eat one piece at a time? If so, you’ll want to check out Red Baron Pizza by the Slice. It’s like a whole pizza, but not!

It cooks in its own little cardboard and silvery-colored container that you stick in your microwave; this cooking method has the benefit of leaving the cheese in the middle of the slice cold but sill overcooking the bottom of the crust so that’s it’s strangely crispy.

If you buy enough of these that you can learn how to properly get it to heat up in your microwave, you’ll find that it’s a good-enough approximation of a normal Red Baron pizza – if you left it in your fridge overnight and then reheated it in your microwave in a little paper tray.

Looks: 2 out of 5 Taste: 2.5 out of 5

Looks: If Totino’s hadn’t felt the need to show off the bursting guts of the flying pizza rolls, this product would have gotten 5 out of 5. However, there’s no way that the amount of filling inside will overflow the crust like they depict on the box, unless you peeled away half of the roll rather than cutting it. Besides that though, the size and color are perfect. 4 out of 5

Taste: Except for being a little bit oily, these Pizza Rolls taste great. They have a rich flavor, and the bits of meat are actual tangible, unlike some other “meat” flavored products I’ve tried. Make sure you let them cool off for about five minutes before eating them, or your burnt mouth won’t be able to taste their delicious flavor. (Side note: I can’t look at the real-life picture without picturing the open pizza rolls singing a little pizza roll song.) 4 out of 5

Looks: It feels kind of like the toppings migrated towards the center of the pizza. I used to work at Domino’s so I know of this tendency, since it’s easier to just sprinkle the food over the middle than to work the whole pie, but come on Pizza Hut employee, take a little pride in your work. 3.5 out of 5

Taste: Come on, we’ve all tasted a Pizza Hut Supreme pizza before, right? I don’t have to describe it here, do I? It is Friday after all… I put up quality posts here, every day, at 6 am. Is it too much to ask for a day off once in a while? Here’s your stinkin’ review: bready, chewy, tasty, greasy, too many peppers. 3 out of 5

Looks: The pizza on the box holds much more pepperoni, herbs, and cheese. That’s 0-for-3 on the main components of the dish; it gets one point for having a crust, and one point for being the right size: 2 out of 5

Taste: Given the average taste of the regular SmartOnes Pepperoni pizza, I expected the same from this pizza. And given the fact that I wrote the previous sentence, you can assume that is not what happened. This pizza reminded me of the pizza rectangles they used to serve at my grade school, but not as good. (I had no idea my school was serving “artisan creation”-grade pizza.) The sauce is gummy and close to ketchup; the cheese and crust are tasteless. Blech. 1 out of 5

Looks: Everything looks pretty close. Oh, except that the pizza on the package has about 5 times the cheese as the real thing. There’s barely enough cheese in real life to cover the sauce, and the package shows it stretching off of each slice! Not in a million years. 2.5 out of 5

P.S. Bonus points for the first commenter to find another glaring inaccuracy in the packaging picture.

Taste: On a pizza scale from 1 to 10, this is ketchup and cheese on a cracker. It’ll do in a pinch, but almost any other pizza outscores it. 2 out of 5

Looks: Pretty close. The only point I’d take away is that the cheese isn’t as thick and doesn’t melt quite as evenly as the box portrays. 4 out of 5

Taste: It’s something of a misnomer to call this “pizza.” Good pizza comprises crust, sauce, and cheese that fuse together to make a single food where all of the flavors meld and complement each other. The food pictured above, which I will call breadsaucecheese, has all of the components of pizza, but the tastes stand out separately in your mouth. Don’t get me wrong – it tastes good, but it’s akin to happening to eat a piece of bread at the same time as some tomato sauce and some melted cheese. 3.5 out of 5