I stumbled upon an interesting discovery while eating this Healthy Choice Balsamic Garlic Chicken Cafe Steamer: all Healthy Choice meals are actually just different arrangements of the same chicken, noodles, and sauce. Take a look at some: #1, #2, #3, and #4. Healthy Choice has just packaged the same meal in many different boxes and then filled in the blanks in the name of the meal. In that spirit, here is my review of the Healthy Choice Balsamic Garlic Chicken Cafe Steamer; you can fill in the blanks yourself, or you can play along with a friend!

The Healthy Choice Balsamic Garlic Chicken Cafe Steamer tastes ___(adjective)___. There are definite hints of ___(noun)___ in each bite, and the ___(property)___ of the chicken is ___(adjective)___. I didn’t expect this meal to be so ___(adjective)___, but it surprised me and made me say to my wife, “Honey, this meal is so ___(adjective)___.” The vegetables were ___(adjective)___, but the pasta was predictably ___(adjective)___. Based on the picture on the box, it should have had more ___(noun)___, but the ___(noun)___ was close enough.

Fill out this Mad Lib in the comments, and the best one will win a special surprise. I’m not going to tell you what it is, but it definitely is not not a box of Strawberry Pop-tarts.

Ah, lunchtime. Those thirty magical minutes when you can forget about the troubles of your job, the upcoming credit card bills, and your soul-crushing loneliness. All food brings comfort, but there’s nothing in the world that will lift your spirit like a bowl full of vegetables. Yes sirree, with their fresh taste unlocked by the magic of steam, this meal of “Grilled (but actually steamed) Mediterranean (but also found in America) Vegetables” is just what you need to turn that frown upside-down. (Note: Upside-down frown may not be experienced by all customers.)

The best part of this meal is the obvious lack of meat. You won’t have to waste time on tender marinated chicken or juicy slow-cooked beef just to get to the delicious vegetable side dishes, like in most meals. When you open this box, you’ll feel like you died and went to heaven… vegetable heaven, that is! The broccoli tastes like broccoli. The eggplant tastes like eggplant. And the snozzberries — don’t get me started on the snozzberries!

Who cares if you’ve been taking cold showers for a week because you’re late on the gas bill? So what if your wife left you and took your dog with her? You’ve still managed to keep the lights on, and that’s worth a reward. So set your microwave for two and a half minutes, and let your cares drift away – you’ve got some eating to do.

Looks: 5 out of 5 Taste: 3 out of 5

There aren’t any Trader Joe’s in my area, so this edition of Food In Real Life comes to you courtesy of reader Emily Tanoury. Thanks Emily!

Looks: “Definitely no corn (although the written description on the back of the packaging never lists corn in the description) and you don’t really see those bits of rehydrated mushrooms. Also, there is not as much separation of the noodles and liquids as the picture depicts. These rice noodles suck up the broth, and the broth and the noodles are all the same color. In the picture the broth looks a little more of a rich brown.” 3 out of 5

Taste: “Wonderful-ness. Not overly salty, but definitely had a mushroom taste to it and the seasonings were quite good as well. The noodles absorbed most of the liquid, but it made it easy to eat with chop sticks. If you are looking for a soup, these noodle bowls definitely are not it, but if you are looking for sticky noodles, these are the best way to go. Missed the corn though.” 4.5 out of 5

Looks: Mushrooms are MIA. Sauce is much too watery. Chicken-to-noodle ratio is far too low. 3 out of 5

Taste: Bland, but the chicken was nice and juicy. The vegetables were still quite crisp, which somewhat made up for the overcooked and mushy noodles. Not a keeper. 2 out of 5

Looks: This is the first Bertolli meal I’ve had that didn’t look almost exactly like its packaging. The noodles are off-color (if they were a movie, they’d be rated PG-13… ba dum bum), and the chicken and mushroom pieces shown on the bag are most definitely not that size. 2.5 out of 5

Taste: Although it doesn’t look as expected, it tastes fantastic. I used to call the Bertolli Chicken Florentine & Farfalle my favorite Bertolli meal, but my wife and I both agree that this dish tops it. The noodles have just the right amount of bite and texture, and the sauce is a nice light alfredo (admittedly, our favorite kind of sauce). The chicken is most, as Bertolli always manages. (You might be thinking, “Man, this guy is in love with Bertolli.” You would not be incorrect to think this.) I cannot think of enough things to say in praise of this meal. 5 out of 5

Looks: The beef looks much dryer (drier?) than pictured, and the mushrooms in the sauce are practically non-existent. The vegetables looks like shrunken versions of themselves, but the potatoes and caramel apple dessert aren’t too far off. I’m feeling generous today, so I’ll give it… 3 out of 5

Taste: The beef turned out to be just as dry as it looked – stringy and tasteless. The potatoes were gummy, and the broccoli was watery. (The carrots were surprisingly ok, with just a little hardness left in them.) The gold-medal winner of this meal was the caramel apple dessert – quite possibly the best tv-dinner-corner-pocket dessert I’ve ever had. It almost redeemed the stringy beef and bland potatoes. 2 out of 5