Looks: Rice has exactly two properties: size and color. This rice fails miserably at color – dark brown instead of golden yellow. 2.5 out of 5

Taste: Gross. Gummy, with a strange taste that doesn’t bring chicken to mind. I managed a bite and a half before giving the rest to my dog Pedro, who normally doesn’t complain about my leftovers, but even he was like “Why would you feed me this?” (Well, he really said “Bark bark bark,” but I knew what he meant.) 0 out of 5