Archive for the ‘Microwave’ Category

Healthy Choice Grilled Vegetables Mediterranean Cafe Steamer

Friday, May 7th, 2010

Healthy Choice Grilled Vegetables Mediterranean Cage Steamer - Ad

Healthy Choice Grilled Vegetables Mediterranean Cage Steamer

Ah, lunchtime. Those thirty magical minutes when you can forget about the troubles of your job, the upcoming credit card bills, and your soul-crushing loneliness. All food brings comfort, but there’s nothing in the world that will lift your spirit like a bowl full of vegetables. Yes sirree, with their fresh taste unlocked by the magic of steam, this meal of “Grilled (but actually steamed) Mediterranean (but also found in America) Vegetables” is just what you need to turn that frown upside-down. (Note: Upside-down frown may not be experienced by all customers.)

The best part of this meal is the obvious lack of meat. You won’t have to waste time on tender marinated chicken or juicy slow-cooked beef just to get to the delicious vegetable side dishes, like in most meals. When you open this box, you’ll feel like you died and went to heaven… vegetable heaven, that is! The broccoli tastes like broccoli. The eggplant tastes like eggplant. And the snozzberries — don’t get me started on the snozzberries!

Who cares if you’ve been taking cold showers for a week because you’re late on the gas bill? So what if your wife left you and took your dog with her? You’ve still managed to keep the lights on, and that’s worth a reward. So set your microwave for two and a half minutes, and let your cares drift away – you’ve got some eating to do.

Looks: 5 out of 5 Taste: 3 out of 5

Hot Pockets Mini Cheeseburger SideShots

Friday, April 30th, 2010

Hot Pockets Mini Cheeseburger SideShots - Ad

Hot Pockets Mini Cheeseburger SideShots

Looks: The bread is four times as thick as it is on the box, and the filling looks more like chunky diarrhea than cheesy hamburger. The colors and sizes are all accurate though, so it’s not a total loss. 2.5 out of 5

Taste: Remember how I said that the filling looks like chunky diarrhea? Care to venture a guess as to how it tastes? Wrong. It tastes like ground hamburger mixed with boiling lava hot cheese inside of a bun. Nothing too special – I wouldn’t buy it again, but at least it didn’t taste as sick as it looks. 2 out of 5

While we’re on the subject of Hot Pockets, here are two of my favorite Hot Pocket-related comedy bits.

Healthy Choice Chicken Margherita Cafe Steamer – Revisited

Tuesday, April 20th, 2010

Another revisitation of a reader submission:

Healthy Choice Chicken Margherita Cafe Steamer - Ad

Sydney’s picture:

Healthy Choice Chicken Margherita Cafe Steamer

My picture:

Healthy Choice Chicken Margherita Cafe Steamer

Looks: As it lacks the thick brown sauce pictured on the box and the long pieces of chicken with discernibly browned skin but white meat, I do believe that this box has seen a little photoshopping in its day. 3 out of 5

Taste: You may remember that Sydney called this bowl of food “the worst thing I have ever eaten.” I think it’s fair to say that I had a different experience. It’s certainly not the best thing I’ve ever eaten, but it’s a mildy pleasing combination of the noodles + chicken + sauce trio that comprises essentially every Healthy Choice meal out there. 3 out of 5

Lean Cuisine Pasta Romano with Bacon

Thursday, April 15th, 2010

Lean Cuisinse Pasta Romano with Bacon - Ad

Lean Cuisinse Pasta Romano with Bacon - Ad-2

Looks: Except for the absence of melted cheese (which most likely melted into the sauce as it cooked), Lean Cuisine accurately portrayed this meal. Probably because it doesn’t look disgusting in real life, so there’s no reason to fake it. 4.5 out of 5

Taste: Nothing special, but nothing terrible. In the grand scheme of pasta, there are five levels of taste:

1. Michelina’s
2. Chef Boyardee
3. Dry pasta with canned sauce
4. Homemade pasta with homemade sauce
5. Homemade pasta with homemade sauce in Italy

This meals comes in somewhere around #3. The slight bacon taste gives it a little edge over your generic jarred spaghetti sauce, but I might not have noticed that there was bacon in this if I hadn’t already known it. 3 out of 5