“Hey boss – I’m packing up these Carbonaras, but we’re low on peas and bacon. Should I order more?” “Nah, just give ‘em four peas and two little bacon scraps. They’ll never notice.”

I’ve made carbonara myself from scratch; I’ve had it in Italian restaurants; I’ve even eaten it in Italy, where they tend to make pretty decent Italian food. While this (unsurprisingly) doesn’t come close to any of those three experiences, it’s a passable approximation for a frozen box that cooks in three minutes. The sauce has the trademark eggy/cheesy taste of a carbonara sauce, but it’s way too loose. The noodles are too soft too, making this more of a carbonara soup than the thick pile of cheesy pasta that it’s supposed to be.

Looks: 2.5 out of 5 Taste: 3 out of 5

Looks: Except for the absence of melted cheese (which most likely melted into the sauce as it cooked), Lean Cuisine accurately portrayed this meal. Probably because it doesn’t look disgusting in real life, so there’s no reason to fake it. 4.5 out of 5

Taste: Nothing special, but nothing terrible. In the grand scheme of pasta, there are five levels of taste:

1. Michelina’s
2. Chef Boyardee
3. Dry pasta with canned sauce
4. Homemade pasta with homemade sauce
5. Homemade pasta with homemade sauce in Italy

This meals comes in somewhere around #3. The slight bacon taste gives it a little edge over your generic jarred spaghetti sauce, but I might not have noticed that there was bacon in this if I hadn’t already known it. 3 out of 5

Looks: The only difference from box to bowl is that the sauce is thicker in real life, and this gives the entire dish less of a “shiny” appearance and more of a “mucky” appearance, to use a technical term. 4.5 out of 5

Taste: Have you ever made a bowl of chicken, noodles, and vegetables, and then just for the heck of it, mixed in a few tablespoons of peanut butter? No? Because that would taste weird? Yeah, it would taste weird, wouldn’t it. If this meal came without the peanut sauce, it would probably rate a 3.5, but the thick peanut sauce was just too much like peanut butter. 2 out of 5

Looks: I don’t know what kind of cutting and dividing they did for the box picture, but there’s only one quesadilla in the box. Its filling is pretty close to what you see on the package, but the cheese kind of overwhelms the other stuff as it melts, much like a volcano taking out Los Angeles with its lava. (Side note: the cheese filling is like lava in another way, in that it will melt your mouth if you eat it too soon after heating.) 4 out of 5

Taste: They should really call this a corn quesadilla, because all you taste is corn and cheese. It was still ok, but I wouldn’t have known there was chicken in it if I hadn’t seen it on the box. So if you like corn and you like cheese, you’ll love this meal. (If you don’t like corn or cheese, why did you buy a quesadilla that clearly contains both? Weirdo.) 3 out of 5

Looks: Hallelujah, it’s the same as the meal on the box! Well, it’s a little more watery, but that’s it. 4.5 out of 5

Taste: I really like – wait, let me start over. I love macaroni and cheese. It’s possibly my favorite food. So when I saw that this macaroni and cheese looked quite appetizing after cooking, I got excited. I may have danced a little in my kitchen in anticipation. However, my glee was short-lived. Although it looks good, it has only slight cheese flavor, and the noodles themselves are somehow watery. (As in they squish out water when you bite into them.) Don’t make the same mistake I did – don’t get excited over this macaroni. 2.5 out of 5

Looks: Looks like a big tub o’ goo, as if the spaghetti in the picture was stepped on by a wet boot. 2 out of 5

Taste: Looks are deceiving in this case; it’s actually very tasty. Most microwave spaghetti tends to become either over-dry and crunchy or overcooked and mushy. However, this pasta was neither too dry nor too soft, and the sauce tasted fresher than it should be allowed. 4 out of 5

Looks: When you take into account the fact that I didn’t properly plate this meal, it’s very well depicted on the packaging. (There’s a second chicken patty underneath the sauce.) 4 out of 5

Taste: Much better than I expected – I expected soggy chicken and tasteless lasagna, but the chicken was firm and juicy, and the lasagna’s ricotta filling was very apparent. The lasagna noodles weren’t overcooked on the edges either. This is one of the few microwave lasagna meals I’ve tried that I would buy again. 4 out of 5

Looks: The chicken pieces aren’t as large or as plentiful as pictured, and the sauce is much more prominent. The vegetables and overall portion size are close enough. 4 out of 5

Taste: I liked this one a lot – the rice was cooked just so, and the chicken was juicy. The vegetables were just the right amount of crunchy, but he sauce was maybe a little too sweet. (Although, in all my years, I’ve never tasted the “sour” of “sweet and sour” chicken. Is there something wrong with me?) 4.5 out of 5

Looks: Besides the chicken pieces lacking grill marks and the noodles being just a little too thick, I don’t see anything wrong with this meal’s looks. I’m particularly struck by how accurate the colors are. 4.5 out of 5

Taste: It’s pretty good; the vegetables aren’t soggy, the chicken isn’t dry, and the noodles are substantial. I especially liked the sauce – sweet, but with a meaty undertone. I don’t have much else to say except that this is one of the few “noodles plus vegetables” frozen meals that I’d buy again. 3.5 out of 5

Looks: The chicken is soggy, not crispy, and there aren’t any sesame seeds on it. Additionally (or subtractionally), there aren’t as many vegetables in the noodles as the box pictures. Everything else is pretty close, except that I couldn’t find the chopsticks in the box and had to go buy my own. 3.5 out of 5

Taste: The main detriment to this meal is the soggy chicken breading. It would be close to perfect if not for that, although I don’t think I’ve ever had crispy chicken come out of a microwave. The noodles are substantial, but they don’t have much of a flavor, and I would have liked to see (and taste) more vegetables. (The plum sauce beneath the chicken and noodles was surprisingly good though.) 3.5 out of 5