Looks: Well, the squash and cranberries look right. Maybe they forget to put the turkey in this one… 1.5 out of 5

Taste: The highlight of this meal was the cranberries that were mixed in with the squash. The turkey was so hard to find in the potatoes that I’m not sure it was there, and the potatoes (or possibly turkey covered in potatoes) were alternately mushy and lumpy, without hardly any flavor at all. 1.5 out of 5

Looks: I struggled mightily to free this pot pie from its cardboard baking pan so as to have it resemble the boxpie as much as possible, but I was not successful. Then, I tried to cut out a wedge from the top of the crust like on the package, but the roof caved in, and I was not successful. Finally, I tried to show the contents spilling out as on the box, but I couldn’t find any pieces big enough, and thus, I was not successful. The majority of the filling was gravy, as contrasted with the meaty chunks shown on the packaging. The color of the crust is about the only thing they got right. 1 out of 5

Taste: This pot pie was really more of a gravy sandwich, and that’s what it tasted like – crust, gravy, crust, with a few bits of meat and vegetable that got in the way. I shouldn’t have been surprised – according to the box, the main ingredient in the filling is gravy, while containing “2% or less” beef, carrots, and potatoes. Can you really call it a “Beef Pot Pie” when “beef” is an also-ran in the ingredients list? 1.5 out of 5

Looks: The turkey lurks, just below the surface, peering out like a cloudy pupil-less eye. What lies beneath? Only time will tell:

This is going to surprise you, but that was actually a picture of the food before I ate it, not after I chewed it and spit it out. To be fair, the turkey and gravy look close enough to the picture on the package, but the stuffing literally looks like canned dog food. Stay tuned for the next paragraph, where I actually put this stuff in my mouth! 1.5 out of 5

Taste: WHY DID I EVER PUT THIS IN MY MOUTH? After trying the roast beef Compleat, I never should have even opened this. The turkey was gritty, the gravy was chunky, and the stuffing was the worst excuse for a bread-based product I’ve ever tasted in my life – soggy, goopy, with no discernable texture. The benefit of this meal looking and tasting like dog food was that my dog had no problem finishing it off for me. 0 out of 5

Looks: If I had plated it like it is plated on the box, it would have matched up nicely, except for the dessert. The colors are all very similar, and the portion sizes are the same. The apple cranberry crisp, however, doesn’t look like what they show on the box at all. It doesn’t contain any cranberries (that I could find), and the apple pieces are way too small. 4 out of 5

Taste: Let me paint you a picture: You like meatloaf. You buy some meatloaf. You cook the meatloaf. You sit down to eat the meatloaf. You take a bite of the meatloaf. You chew the meatloaf. You spit out the meatloaf. Why did you spit out the meatloaf? Probably because there was a piece of what you can only hope was gristle the size of a baby’s tooth in your first bite. (The rest of the meal was ok, but this first impression made it impossible to enjoy the other food quadrants.) 1.5 out of 5

Looks: Nothing about the way this looks makes me want to eat it. The gravy is translucent (not thick like on the cover), yet there’s so much of it that you can’t see through it to the potatoes below. The potatoes appear to be a single solid mass, rather than fluffy mounds, and the roast beef slab lurks near the surface like the carcass of a dead Loch Ness monster. None of these things are depicted on the box. 1.5 out of 5

Taste: Craptacular. Even with all that gravy, the beef is so dry that I needed to continually drink bottles of water while I chewed it to avoid dehydration. The potatoes are nasty (closer to modeling clay than vegetable), and the gravy wouldn’t stick to them. I managed three bites of this “Compleat” meal before throwing it away – I didn’t feel comfortable feeding it to my dog. I suppose I should have known it would be terrible; it’s roast beef that you store in your pantry… That’s just not right. 0 out of 5

Looks: Besides the meatballs, nothing on the box matches what’s in the package. The noodles are much thicker (and much softer) than pictured; the sauce is Snicker-bar brown, not Twinkie yellow, and the ratio of noodles to balls is way too low. 2 out of 5

Taste: The noodles were soggy and the gravy was bland. The meatballs were just ok, although I did appreciate getting six of them. (I’m looking at you, Banquet!) 2 out of 5

This one is pretty much on target. The pie is browned and flaky. The only deviance from the package cooking directions was a little cooking spray in the pan before microwaving. Otherwise you pretty much have to serve the pie upside-down. Very tasty with crisp peas and carrots, all-white-meat chicken, and rib-sticking gravy. 5 out of 5

Wait a minute… “crisp peas and carrots, all-white-meat chicken, and rib-sticking gravy”? Clerkerist, are you an undercover Marie Callender’s rep sent here to counter the effects of my post on your disgusting cheesy chicken and rice? For shame, Marie Callender, for shame.

Looks: The beef looks much dryer (drier?) than pictured, and the mushrooms in the sauce are practically non-existent. The vegetables looks like shrunken versions of themselves, but the potatoes and caramel apple dessert aren’t too far off. I’m feeling generous today, so I’ll give it… 3 out of 5

Taste: The beef turned out to be just as dry as it looked – stringy and tasteless. The potatoes were gummy, and the broccoli was watery. (The carrots were surprisingly ok, with just a little hardness left in them.) The gold-medal winner of this meal was the caramel apple dessert – quite possibly the best tv-dinner-corner-pocket dessert I’ve ever had. It almost redeemed the stringy beef and bland potatoes. 2 out of 5

Looks: I’ll say this: the vegetable mix looks *exactly* like it does on the box. The cherry crisp isn’t far off either (some of the oats migrated to the corner during the freezing process), and while it’s a little jumbled (and hard to see in the picture), the turkey + stuffing + gravy looks very much like the box. Not bad, Healthy Choice! 4.5 out of 5

Taste: Hands down, the best frozen turkey I’ve ever had. The first bite was moist and flavorful, the second bite (and third and fourth…) was downright juicy. The gravy had a meaty, peppery taste, and the stuffing wasn’t soggy. It even had raisins in it, which I love. The cherry crisp could have used some more crisp – it was mostly cherries, but the taste was fine – and in accordance with the FDA’s new “Respect the Veg” program, I am obligated to mention that the vegetable mix was “delicious” and “mouth-watering” and not at all “bland” or “lame.” 4 out of 5