Looks: The bun is overly browned (-0.5 points), the cheese is an oily orange and it curls up instead of down (-0.5 points), the sausage patty is overcooked (-0.5 points), and I want to deduct one more thing (-0.5 points). 3 out of 5

Taste: Burger King is advertising this sandwich as being blatantly stolen from McDonalds but offered for half the price, so let’s compare it to McDonald’s Sausage Egg McMuffin.

1. The McDonald’s version is so oily I needed to call in the National Guard to help with cleanup efforts after I finished it, but this is lacking any sort of grease overflow.
2. It tastes more “real” than McDonalds’ too; almost as if I made it myself in my kitchen. (That is, if I had access to pre-cooked egg-like squares and a heat lamp to leave it under for 20 minutes.)
3. The sausage is just a little bit spicy, where McDonalds’ meat is unprovocative.
4. The egg is mostly tasteless and not at all like McDonalds’ version of eggs, which aren’t too far off from the real thing.

Burger King is selling this for just $1, so it gets a favorable rating on that aspect, but for every dollar they raise the price, I’d probably take a point off of my rating. It’s good, but not $2 good. 3 out of 5

Looks: Have you ever seen something more delicious looking, especially at 7am? The only thing missing is the faint glow of the heavenly halo that the box depicts, but even though you can’t see it, be assured that I felt the presence of a higher power immediately before eating this. 4 out of 5

Taste: I know I’ve reviewed the bacon version of these in the past, and I know that some people don’t like it when I review two similar items, but some people can just sit on it. Maybe someone who hates bacon was wondering, “Gee, I wonder if the sausage version of that is any good…” Well, now they’ll know: the sausage version is even better than the bacon version. I had no trouble with overcooked biscuit this time, and the egg, cheese, and sauce combination was still delicious. The bacon topping had been a little bit dry, but the sausage topping is perfectly hydrated. I’ve bought an entire freezer to fill with these as soon as they go on sale. 5 out of 5

Looks: Small differences: the eggs are not so cheesy in real life, and the apples lack any sort of sauce or extra moisture. If you squint, the two pictures look pretty much the same. 4 out of 5

Taste: Good, and good for you!

Just kidding. The eggs were dry and uncheesy; the potatoes were rubbery and tasteless. The sad little apple pieces were actually the best part of this meal, but that’s not saying much at all. Nothing tasted terrible, and if I was in a hurry and really needed to get my cholesterol levels up, this would be an ok choice. Other than that exact situation, I can’t see ever eating this again. 1.5 out of 5

Looks: While the food on the box appears as a golden, flaky, biscuit covered in fluffy eggs and melted cheese, the real deal is closer to a molten Pac-Man dead-set on devouring you and anyone you care about. The crust singes around the edges, the cheese doesn’t melt evenly, and the bacon cooks much darker than pictured. 3.5 out of 5

Taste: Regardless of how it looks, this thing is delicious – it’s like deep-dish pizza had a baby with an Egg McMuffin, and they named it Scrambles. The cheese and bacon are great (of course), and although the egg doesn’t really make you think “hey, this tastes like eggs,” it doesn’t detract from the flavor. There’s also a creamy sauce underneath the toppings, and it is most likely made from magic pixie deliciousness dust. My only complaint is that the outer edge of the biscuit gets too hard during cooking. 4.5 out of 5

Looks: Well, the ingredients are in the right order, but none of them appear as advertised. The muffin is kind of wimpy, the egg misshapen, the sausage smaller than it should be, and the cheese is more of a greasy oil square that won’t melt. 2 out of 5

Taste: You remember that episode of The Simpsons where Homer drank a candle in order to coat his mouth with wax so he could eat the insanely hot peppers? Yeah, it’s kind of like that. The sandwich tastes ok – mostly like sausage and English muffin, but it leaves a coating of grease in your mouth for about three hours. So if you need tongue protection for some dangerous eating stunt, by all means, start with a Sausage Egg McMuffin. 1 out of 5

(multiple varieties picture)

(pictured on Monterey Cheddar bread, not Italian).

Looks: The meat and cheese aren’t folded inside the egg like in the advertisement, and there isn’t nearly enough sandwich toppings to make the bread fold open like the ad shows. It does fall within the generally-accepted range of how fast food should look compared to the advertised product. 3.5 out of 5

Taste: Satisfying, but without a lot of flavor. The egg has a strange wetness that you feel inside of your mouth as you chew on it, as if it were filled with a bunch of small water pockets. The bread is good and chewy, and the pre-cooked bacon adds a little snap to the rest of the sandwich’s softness. Since it is intended for breakfast, a time of day when most people are averse to strong flavors, it’s not a bad combination. 3.5 out of 5