Looks: The wrap in the ad is beefy, the tortilla filled to the point of bursting. The wrap in real life looks like a scared little hamburger turtle, just barely poking its head out of its shell. No lettuce or onions to speak of – just beef and cheese.

If you were to open up the wrap, you’d see this work of art:

I’m getting hungry just looking at this picture, aren’t you? Not even half a beef patty, and even fewer toppings than are visible poking out of the end of the wrap in the ad. 2 out of 5

Taste: It tastes… very much like a Big Mac. Well, until the third bite, when you’ve used up all the special sauce and cheese, and you’re left with three more bites of dry beef and tortilla. I would have given the first bite a four, but the last bite was more like a 1 – I guess I’ll have to go with the average. 2.5 out of 5

Looks: Since there’s a handy song available for sizing up a Big Mac, let’s use it as a grading checklist:

• “Two all beef patties,” – just barely. Remember that little old lady that asked “Where’s the beef?” She was looking at this picture I took.
• “special sauce,” – not in either picture, so no big deal.
• “lettuce,” – F for effort
• “cheese,” – looks exactly the same as the picture!
• “pickles, onions” – MIA
• “on a sesame seed bun.” – lopsided and squashed, although the bottom bun in the picture looks like a sponge, so I guess lopsided and squashed is better than “tastes like a sponge.”

Looks like Big Mac will be repeating the 2nd grade. 2 out of 5

Taste: The sandwich’s main flavors come from the special sauce and cheese; the “beef” patties are just roadblocks for your teeth so they don’t crash into each other in the middle of the burger. Nevertheless, it’s non-offensive and generally enjoyable. 3 out of 5

Additionally, reader Jb sends in this snapshot of a recent Big Mac Attack:

“Gary was a Big Mac fan.. until this day! This was literally how the box opened up.”

That is just terrible. What is Gary doing drinking white wine with a Big Mac? Everybody knows you need a full-bodied red to sufficiently complement the special sauce.